Hey, Gang! Guess what I just did? I just purchased the copyright on the word, Doodie©. Isn't that great? So now any time you say or print the word Doodie©, you have to send us five bucks! Man, that is the Shit!...Ugh...Hang on a sec...BRB
Oh, Shit©! I just got the copyright on the word Shit©. Now anytime you say, "Man, Doodie© Humor is the Shit©!" You have to send us ten bucks. We rock! Hang on... Just bought DooDoo© too. So now if you say, "Oh, Shit©! Doodie© Humor is sooo funny I went DooDoo© in my old navy cargo pants." That would be fifteen bucks you owe. Oh, shit©! I just thought of some brilliant crap©! (Just got crap© too.) BRB!!!
GUYS!! I can't believe this word wasn't taken! God© (The word, not the lady) is now owned by us at Doodie© Humor. I picked up Jesus© while I was at it. So when you say your prayers at night, you better hope your Hindu. Because Shiva(© 1994 Louie Anderson inc.) was taken. So, I'll expect these checks to starts rollin' in anytime soon. See ya Bitches!
Doodie©
P.S. I just got the copyright on the word, Chair©. So you might want to call it something else when you sit down.
Sure, the cast of Doodie Humor is pretty cool. How did they achieve this enlightened cool state? Surly they were blessed by God. Well, it’s true. And now you can be blessed by God too.
Join the Doodie Humor religion today!
It’s way cooler than those other bullshit religions. Todd is now Legally (For real) Ordained(we're not kidding), and has all the rights and privileges (we really are not kidding) to perform All duties of the Ministry. (Accept circumcision, but touching a little kids wang is a little gay, and he wouldn’t do it anyway.) Now before you join, you may want to know a little about Doodieanity, and how it can work for you. Below are a few examples of Perks for our congregation.
1) If you are taking a test...and one of the questions is about history that happened before September of 1982, you can refuse to answer that question on the grounds that your religion (Doodieanity) believes that nothing existed before September 1982. (Coincidently the first episode of Knight Rider aired at the same time.)
2) If you are making sweet love to a woman... (From behind. That is one of the holey ways) and that woman’s husband comes home to find you there. Keep Going. Tell him about Doodieanity while you continue working his wife’s holey hole. Tell him that in Doodieanity woman are objects, so there is no reason for him to be upset, and as an offering allow him over to your house to make love to your sofa.
3) If you see a retard...Feel free to laugh. In Doodieanity, Retards are put on this earth because they are funny looking, and they are to remind us to be thankful that we are not retarded. If you happen to come across a retarded woman. Remember that in Doodieanity, oral favors from retards is like a blessing from God. Plus they have larger tongues than normal people.
These are just a few of the perks you get for joining Doodieanity. We are the greatest religion on the entire planet. Some people don’t see Doodieanity as “The way,” Those people are not as enlightened as we are. The following is a real interview between some jerk, and Pope Todd.
JERK: Doodieanity isn’t a real religion!
POPE TODD: Yeah-huh.
JERK: No it isn’t, There is no proof behind any of your beliefs.
POPE TODD: There’s no proof behind any of Christianities beliefs.
JERK: That’s different. Our religion is real because we have faith.
POPE TODD: As do we my child.
JERK: You’re stupid.
POPE TODD: You’re more stupid, my child.
JERK: Okay, for the sake of argument, let’s say Doodieanity is real.
POPE TODD: It is.
JERK: … Whatever, If it is real, what are you main beliefs? Do you believe in Jesus?
POPE TODD: Of course we believe in Jesus.
JERK: Thank you.
POPE TODD: He’s a crime fighting kung-fu action hero.
JERK: …
POPE TODD: He can fly and shoot laser beams.
JERK: That’s sacrilegious!
POPE TODD: Nuh-ugh.
JERK: Yes it is!
POPE TODD: No it isn’t. We didn’t say anything bad about him. He’s kick ass. If anything is “Sacrilegious,” it’s your lame ass boring depiction of him in your bible.
JERK: …What are you beliefs then?
POPE TODD: Well, we believe in evolution…
JERK: Evolution is BULLSHIT!
POPE TODD: You didn’t let me finish.
JERK: Sorry, go on.
POPE TODD: We believe that evolution started when Patrick Swazey went back in time and masturbated in the primordial ooze that all life came from.
JERK: There’s no such thing as a time machine.
POPE TODD: Not now. Someone in the future cane back to 1989 and picked Patrick Swazey up right after he finished filming “Roadhouse.” Then they went into the past.
JERK: That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
POPE TODD: Right, and your religions theory of being made out of clay in one day is sooo much better.
JERK: …
POPE TODD: Hey, do you remember that scene in Roadhouse when Patrick Swazey ripped that guys throat out… That was freakin’ awesome.
JERK: You told me before that your religion doesn’t believe anything existed before ’82.
POPE TODD: … … So our bible has one small inconsistency. Yours has hundreds.
JERK: Good point.
POPE TODD: thank you.
JERK: Your religion is a joke, and nobody will ever Join it.
POPE TODD: That’s not true. We already have a small congregation, and besides, people don’t have to join to be in Doodieanity.
JERK: What do you mean?
POPE TODD: In Doodieanity, I have been given the sacred slap. All I have to do is give someone’s head a little slap, and they are full fledged members.
JERK: That’s not how it works.
POPE TODD: Maybe not in your lame-ass religion.
(SLAP)
JERK: Ow!!
POPE TODD: Welcome to The Church of Doodieanity.
JERK: I’m not in you’re stupid religion!
POPE TODD: Yes you are! I slapped you!
JERK: That doesn’t mean I’m in your stupid Doodieanity!!
(SLAP)
JERK: OW!!
POPE TODD: Now you’re a Cardinal!
JERK: I AM NOT!
POPE TODD: I could slap you to deacon.
JERK: Fuck you! I’m leaving.
POPE TODD: Go in peace.
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