•     1) Evolution Began when Patrick Swayze went back in time using a magic time machine and masturbated in the primordial ooze that all life emerged from. So we believe that there is a little Patrick Swayze in all of us..
•     2) nothing existed before September 1982. (Coincidently the first episode of Knight Rider aired at the same time.) Everything that you heard about happening before that time was made up by the Devil.
•     3) Discrepancies are okay in our religion. Other Bibles are chock full of them any way, so our one isn’t so bad.
•     4) Jesus is a Kung-fu Super Hero and he hangs out with ninjas and flies all day.
•     5) Everyone is different…Especially retards.
•     6) Being Gay is okay…It’s icky, but Patrick Swayze still loves you. (The Church of Doodieanity will perform Gay Marriages. They won’t be recognized by your state, but in the eyes of Swayze…You’re all good.)
•     7) Science is cool, and when those other Lame Ass Religions try to reject scientific fact like evolution, they are only making us laugh at how stupid those crappy retard religions are.
•     8) We respect other religions. Their Superstitions are funny and silly, but, Swayze love ‘em anyway.
•     9) Stop feeding the morbidly obese. For Patrick’s sake! If your child is 9 years old and a hundred and fifty pounds (or close to it.) and you tell them, “No desert until you finish your cheeseburger!” You are the most retarded retard on retard block. Let them play outside, and strap some weights to them so they get more of a work out.
•     10) Stop being stupid. Don’t be blinded by any religion, (Even ours.) Think about people, and not how their “Sin” is making you look bad in your gods eyes just because you are standing next to them. Let your god punish that person the way you believe that your pretend god can. Then you’ll feel pretty dumb when you die and get up to the gates of heaven and see that it’s a replica of the set of Roadhouse.
•     11) A womans breast size is in direct perportion with her faith in Doodieanity.  Women with smaller boobies don't have the same strength in our faith as say a stripper with big boobs.  I knoew what your thinking, "Your holyness, women can't choose their breast size, so how can that determine their faith?"  Well, Swayze gives women small boobs as a test.  He works in mysterious ways. Besides, women can always choose to have faith enlargement (or, faith augmentation.) Women with who have had these faith implants are looked on much higher for having that much faith.  Even more if they put your faith in through your belly button so there's no scar.